The shelf. Ah, it’s a beautiful place where I’ve had the absolute joy and pleasure of being put on numerous times.
What is this magical place, you might ask?
It’s a place where people you are interested in put you when they aren’t exactly sure what they want out of your relationship or relationships in general. Maybe they just want to hook-up with as many people as possible, maybe they’re afraid of commitment, maybe they just like to play games and lead others on for fun—who can ever really know?
It’s a place that no one deserves to be in yet many, many people find themselves.
I’m incredibly picky about who I give my time to. I can be talking to multiple guys at once but not actually feel any real feelings because often the guys I meet can’t make me care.
There are only two things I truly care about in the world, only two things that motivate me and inspire me: travel and people. Everything else feels irrelevant. So if I meet a guy who actually makes me care about them, well, I can’t help but feel that I’m basically screwed.
Because what I’ve discovered that happens a lot is that when someone finally makes me actually start to care about them, I often find myself being ‘put on the shelf.’
In the last couple years, my relationships have involved me having a thing with a guy who is also having things with other women at the same time. I find myself frequently putting in all the effort because I finally met someone who made me feel something and then, I get shelved since I’m not the priority. And I’m not proud of it, but I let it happen. As if it’s not a big deal.
But it is.
I don’t come off as the type of person who would just let someone keep me around for when they have no one else of interest available. I like to preach confidence, independence etc.., yet I sit here, waiting patiently for a reply to my text, for the guy to ask me to hangout, for some freaking sign of life when in the back of my mind, I know I’m the last thing on his mind.
Excuse my language, but it’s really f*cked up.
I by no means want to start dating now and if I like someone, that is probably the last thing on my mind. To be completely honest, dating is scary and I’m not ready for that. Likewise, I love being single. But at this point in my life, it feels like if I finally wanted to start dating, I’d never get a real chance since I’ve only ever been in the weird in between where the person I like is constantly deciding what they want to do with me.
Additionally, I know I’m not the only one who has ever felt this before. I have friends who’ve been led on by various women and men and who are so caught up in their feelings that they don’t care how they’re treated. They justify what is being done to them because of the hope that keeps them running in circles.
“He/she finally texted me back after two days! He/she probably just took so long because they lost their phone or was really busy with tests or went camping at a place with no phone service…blah blah blah.”
We are all incredibly different and unique people. Everyone has something unique to bring to the table and everyone has something about them that no one else will ever have. We’re all relevant, we all matter. So don’t let someone else make you feel as if you’re worthless or that you’re presence isn’t important.
We all need to remember that, we are grown, we don’t belong to anyone and if someone doesn’t want you, doesn’t value you, then you can find someone else who will.
I find this concept especially hard. But then I remind myself about the fact that there are 7 billion people on this planet and I can guarantee, there is someone just as attractive, just as funny as the person you like but who is actually willing to put in the effort.
If you like someone, you shouldn’t have to wait until they are ready to take you or a relationship seriously. It’s not about them. You have stuff to get done, you have a life to live.
You deserve better. I deserve better. It’s about knowing our self-worth. You can choose to let someone keep you around, lead you on or you can take a deep breath, remember how freaking awesome you are and move along.
Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t deserve it.